1) I love my friends.
2) Don't eat Rob.
3) The pants - NOT furry on the inside!
4) Don't set Rob on fire.
5) Microwaves are wonderful things.
6) Porn shops in North Hollywood are open 24/7.
7) Headaches go away - eventually.
8) Sometimes, your keys are safer in the party than in the car.
9) Don't let Rob near the pool.
10) It makes much more sense to celebrate life than it does to mourn death ... and it's a hell of a lot more fun.

I hope that everyone out there who is taking time to mourn is also making sure to take time to celebrate. If we don't celebrate what we have, then there is no use in mourning it when it's gone.

I feel powerless, and then I find myself kicking myself for not thinking of more things I could have done.

There are too many people giving blood ... please come back in 4 weeks.
We don't need any more rescue workers right now.
Our volunteer lists are at capacity ... we simply have no where to put you.

I lit candles last night, and said a prayer. It is probably only the third time in my life I have stopped to say an honest, meaningful prayer. But I still feel like I should be doing more.

My roommate did an awesome thing on finding light in all of this. I wish I had thoguht to do that. It makes me feel lazy.

What I have been doing so far is really I know to do. I have made myself infinitely available to those around me for support and comfort or just company. I have tried to center my own focus and my own mindset, and emit a feeling that is filled with love and sympathy.

Still, I feel as thought I'm not doing enough.

Tonight, I travel to LA to celebrate life in honor of Barbarella's birthday. It's healing and it's remembering that not only are their people lost, but their are people remaining.

That's my focus. My focus is on the people left and how to make a good of that.

I'm sorry ... I fear I'm rambling a bit. It's been hard to focus my thoughts lately.

1) If I were a victim, would have left this earth content with my place in it so far?
2) If I had lost someone, would I be confident that they knew how I felt about them ... that they knew how much they mattered to me?
3) Am I doing everything I can to be a part of good instead of doing nothing ... or worse, being a part of evil?

Unfortunately, I didn't always get the answers I wanted to those questions. But, this is how we grow ... it's how we learn about ourselves and it creates the impetus to move forward. So, my movement has begun.

I sent an e-mail out the other day to everyone whose address I could find or remember reminding them that they were special to me and that I had love for them ... in some small way, everyone who has ever entered my life has made an impact on it, and I love them all for it. Even you, the faceless people who read this site, have made an impact, and I love you for it as well. A copy of the e-mail is the text of the previous entry.

I also quit my job this morning. For a long time, I've known that it wasnt what I was meant to be doing for many reasons. I kept convincing myself that I could make it work though ... that I could compromise for the sake of ease. Well, that's just something I can't do anymore.

My energy lies in making others happy. Bringing an unexpected smile, or letting people know that they are cared about. It lies in surrounding myself with people, places and things that share in that energy, and that is my new goal.

There is a focus now ... one that was blurry before. So many things that used to matter simply do not. I have been awoken from the dream, ready to act in the world.

The steps to take are not yet clear, but they rarely are. I believe that if I keep my eyes open, and on the goal, that the steps will become obvious as I move from one to the other.

The journey starts now. For all of you who have settled or compromised or stifled the little voice in your heart or head, I urge you to stop and set it free immediately. This time is so precious ... a fact we have all been horribly reminded of.

I'm in a weird space today, and I really can't put my finger on it. It's funny, sometimes I'll get into a funk, and then this negative energy starts working its way through my head ... doubts, insecurities, fears, etc. As I try to keep it from festering there, I find myself in a circular debate: Am I in a funk from thinking the thoughts or am I thinking the thoughts because I'm in a funk?

I'll take the easy road and just say that it's probably my body chemistry readjusting after Burning Man.

It is amazing to me how much Burning Man affected me. After being around such an intensely wonderful community vibe, sloshing around in the sludge of stale beer and paper with thousands of drunk and disrespectful people made me almost feel ill.

People have asked me to describe to them what BM is like, and this is the best definition I have come up with so far:

It's as if God reached down and picked you up and held you over the desert in the middle of nowhere, observing the people on the Playa. He tells you to look and then says, "See, this is what I was going for ... I don't know where you all went wrong.

I really should write something on the event, but I just haven't been able to center my thoughts. It's very shocking to attend and return. The adjustment into the Playa is far easier than you might think. The adjustment out of the Playa is very difficult.

My faith in humanity is restored, and my understanding of the true power of people has grown. There are a million things I could say about my trip to Burning Man, but I wouldn't even know where to begin right now. I feel like I've just had 5 days of continuous orgasm.