my step-uncle (the son of the woman my grandfather married for his secdond marriage) was killed last night in his home, the details are fuzzy, and there's a lot of negative speculation but i don't know much.

this will be the 5th funeral i will have gone to in the last year and a quarter.
posted by Chris Brown at 12/23/2000 02:59:55 PM

i like the direction i'm taking this page finally even though i was inspired by frank miller.

also the ear piercing place fell through because apparently, unlike most places, they don't do studs they only do these ring things which you have to leave in for 6 weeks and my school doesn't allow you to wear your ear piercings at school and i can't exactly hide or cover up rings. i'll just have to wait. i'm in no rush.
posted by Chris Brown at 12/22/2000 06:27:47 PM

i do really hate christmas shopping. plus i'm lazy at it. i got my grandma a 10 dollar clock radio.

it was funny, i was buying diablo II for my cousin at babbages, and the clerk there like tried to make me his friend i guess. he kept saying silly things like trying to make small talk about my ID picture and how the diablo thing I got, this christmas holiday package thing, was such a good deal, complaining how he wanted off work, and something else i forget. it all seemed rather pathetic and i was just trying to be nice, but i wasn't in the mood i guess. it was probably more innocent and he does it to everyoen when he's bored, it's just i was like "why me?"

on my break so far i've hardly done anything. i haven't returned a single call since the break started and as a result i'm getting fewer now. i just don't really want to do anything right now. for one, i've been going to bed the past couple days way earlier and sleeping a lot and i really needed it. i guess i'm just taking "me" time but i dunno.

i'm getting my ears pierced today and the cartilage on my left finally. i just hope it doesn't get all infected which would be dumb.

oh, on prodigy's album (not the techno whatever group) H.N.I.C. on the song "Trials of Love" exposed Outkast on the song "Wailin'", Outkast always claims to never sample but they clearly sampled from the same place, which on prodigy's album said was from "To the Establishment" by Lou Bond and John Harris. I found that interesting. I also heard somewhere a long the way, i think it was an old 70s movie, where Outkast got the sample from "Return of the G" from their Aquemini album.

what i'm listening to: Raekwon's CD Only Built 4 Cuban Linx. I picked this up the other day and this was back when wu-tang was hungry. this is such a good album, Raekwon and the second most common vocalist on the album ghostface as well as other wu members all come correct, but the real gem is the RZA's production and samples. he samples really weird, but he always gets it wonderful. i can't express this enough.

what i'm watching: i thought it looked really dumb from the previews and it did bad at the box office but i enjoyed the movie galaxy quest. it's actually a kind of fun movie and plausible within its own reality. that's all, it was enjoyable.

posted by Chris Brown at 12/22/2000 06:52:51 AM

people ask me what i really want for christmas.

i tell them i dunno, or a CD or something.

what i really want, is for my doctor to give me clearance to start jogging and running again so i can be a human being and jog and play intramural and rec league basketball. so i can have some fun for christ's sake.

that's it.
posted by Chris Brown at 12/19/2000 06:41:04 AM

here's a poem i wrote

i hate finals.
they are poop.

sammy t. coleridge couldn't touch this

i was at mr. gatti's today(a pizza spot) with folk and behind me i hear in this old creaky voice "where do they find these people? these workers they have don't even speak english." i sort of half turn to see who said this and under what circumstance, and i see this weird old lady sitting with her family, and this guy working there who was standing like right next to her was picking up plates and treys. his expression got me, whatever this old lady was thinking it was obvious by his expression he knew exactly what she was saying. she then said something else regarding it not even looking at this guy like a person. her family was listening all very attentively. i didn't want to stare and also didn't really want to hear all that so i turned back around and ended up getting up a bit later to waste time in the games room, and when i returned to the table she was gone. i mean at gattis you mostly just do the buffet and these guys' jobs are to pick up plates and stuff, why don't you let them do their job and at least say thanks or something. i ended up leaving a decent tip, most people don't even tip at this spot, but i felt i should. at the same time, it's a rather hollow act, so i can't say i'm patting myself on the back, but i think it was appreciated. i wondered if i should try to initiate a conversation or something with the guy, but i didn't feel like i could since it's not like i'd have anything to say and i've never started a covnersation in that kind of circumstance, but the thought was he probably would have appreciated that more than anything.

i have wasted a lot of my study time messing with hex editors on ROM files for emulators, and the .sav's that are created when you save. for you that don't know, i'm sure you all do, an emulator is just a program that emulates a game system, like nintendo, super nintendo, or genesis, and a rom file is all the information held by the game and is loaded into an emulator the way you would insert a cartridge. mostly it didn't hardly do anything noticable, a couple times i screwed up the stats in the game to the point where i couldn't play, and once it just messed up like half the sprites on the screen. i don't know why this is supposed to be remotely interesting, i should delete this passage.

what i'm reading: i am reading a copy of sun tzu's the art of war with commentaries on the taoist basis for most of what he says and explanations of the tao in order to help your understanding of both what he is syaing and the tao. i miostly hate the trendy people who try to read it to quote the anecdotes about battle or whatever, but at the same time it's a very historically relevant work. i haven't decided, and probably won't until i finish, if i intend to try to like apply the ideals mentioned and discussed to my life to give it that edge, or if i am just trying to explore knowledge and read something entertaining. regardless, it is very interesting, seems to hold a lot of truth, and i constantly have to put it down to reflect on what it says because it reminds me of things in my life. i think that's a good sign, if not overly distracting.

posted by Chris Brown at 12/19/2000 01:11:01 AM

i gotta do what i meant to, my crew's got my back -- fuck the world is my mental

4 of the paragraphs in the last post start with hate. that's the world that i live in. or i'm just another crappy angsty teen. i hope not.

man i slept like no other. i just slept 8 more hours after falling asleep after i got home early from exams from like 1pm to 6pm yesterday. hopefully when i get on break i'll correct my sleep schedule.

there's a pro-football game on and the D-IAA championship of Georgia Southern and Montana, two teams I know zip about. guess what I'm watching? you know it, college football is so much better than pro.

what i'm watching: why don't they let the stupid hellraiser series die. i just watched the most retarded movie ever. it was like hellraiser IV with pinhead in space. they also introduced some retarded dog into the mix. the director even took his name off the film, using this one fake name i forget that directors use when they do that. i mean the first couple sucked, by since three and this more than anything are retarded. but as always i find myself watching these things. the special effects reminded me of an episode of xena. or the previews for that dungeons and dragons movie. anyway, i'll leave you with an academy award worthy quote from the pinhead guy:

"your pain will be legendary...even for hell!"

you sing it brother.

posted by Chris Brown at 12/16/2000 04:46:40 PM

I represent the thinker

right right what up people how ya'll, it's chris, the villain

i hope this blogger thing works

driving after inhaling the buddha smoke is not a good generally, but i keep doing it. i scared this one guy to death with semi-close calls. so kids don't do what i do or something. i'm dumb.

i hate sheisty people, especially girls. this time i didn't get burned but you get reminded how close you are by weird calls. i don't know.

i hate finals. i hate studying for hours and then blanking on crap the next day. oh well i think i did fine for the most part. i found out, i had an idea, that last year my french teacher gave us the same exam after french II than he did after french I, except last year after an entire year more of french I got an 84 compared to the 93 I got the year before. whatever. i was sitting in my theology final in the back reading some books that my teacher had waiting for them to dismiss us, when i notice one of the guys, he's goofy and probably real dumb, but he starts standing up, and punching at the floor and the sky, sort of twisting around, all the while i look around and no one else is seeing this. then he starts pointing at kids from behind who are either taking their test or working. i kept waiting for someone to notice as being in the back corner of a room that rose and was elevated sort of like a theater i had a perfect view. it was weird. i kept thinking maybe he'd notice me staring at him, but he never did. which is probably good.

i think i hate christmas. the only part i like is getting together with the fam, but all this peripheral crap is getting annoying. however, i don't know if it is neccesarily a bad thing that it has taken a turn away from having the focus on jesus, because, and i know it is celebrated all over, but to me christmas takes on a very nationalistic perspective, compared to where for the the day and the next week after new years we see images about how cool it is in every other country, and I think the nationalistic thing is good in this sense since it's supposed to be about getting together and giving and stuff.

people hate me because i don't ask for anything at christmas and then i'm generally not all amazed when they get me whatever. or in the case of my grandma, weird computer games i've never heard of. i think the only things i'm going to ask for are the deltron 3030 cds and the afu-ra. i was thinking, and i htink it's good that i don't really have a desire for anything. at first, i thought i might just in comparison to the rest of the world or whatever be totally spoiled, as most middle-class people would have to consider themselves with a similar comparison, but i think it has more to do with being content and not needed more material things. i don't need abercrombie clothes but on the other side i don't need something to make me all anti-contradiction of that. i dont need any new video games to make me happy or whatever. i'm not saying i'm better than anyone who wants or needs something, but i just don't feel i need to be reliant right now. one thing that struck me is people from poor backgrounds talked about how they realize now they had nothing they didn't feel poor then and didn't have any need for other things. while i can't totally relate, because of where i'm coming from, and i realize i have things, but it's good that i don't feel a need or want for things. it seems like theres people who always want more and more stuff. i don't know, i could be wrong, but that's how i'll think for now.

i really hate the college process. i keep thinking i'll get in nowhere, and i bet i don't get in where i want. i already know nyu will shoot me down because i'm unqualified. oh well.

this was long, so ok.

What I'm watching: apocalypse now. this movie still amazes me. i heard all kinds of things about what a hard time they had filming, but damn if it didn't add to the madness of this movie. i can't even try to explain it, all the characters are warped by war and the jungle and they all fool themselves and try to comfort themselves with the drugs and music of back home in order to try to hide themselves from what reality kurtz(brando) has discovered and has driven him insane and what willard(sheen) is begining to approach realizing. it's crazy.
posted by Chris Brown at 12/16/2000 02:17:53 AM